Being Bisexual

Well, hello. I suppose this is me coming out.

Being Bisexual. What does it mean? Well, for most people, it means you’re a fan of more than one gender. For me, it means pretty much the same. I like girls and I like guys. What it doesn’t mean is that, I want a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time – which is a common misconception for bisexual people like myself. I’m not polygamous (but if you are, that’s great). Nope, I’m more than happy with C, who is the definition of ‘the best’.

Talking of definitions, I would like to let you know that the definition for bisexual (hang on let me check the dictionary) is an individual who is “attracted not exclusively to people of one particular gender; attracted to both men and women.” Which basically sums up what I’ve just explained.

Now, does being bisexual affect my life? I mean, yes. Of course it does. It has its positives and it has its negatives, just like everything else in my life.

The positives mean that I can understand what C means when we’re watching a movie with a particularly attractive or badass woman in. It also means that I can group myself with other bisexual people who understand what it’s like for us in the LGBT+ community. I finally have one step sorted in understanding who, exactly, I am, which has definitely helped with my self-confidence and just general confusion at life. Being a part of such a strong and brave community, one which has faced so many problems and continue to rise against so much hate, is truly amazing, and is by far one of the proudest parts for me about being a bisexual individual.

However, the negatives drag me down even on my best days. Growing up in a somewhat traditional town means that homosexuality and bisexuality wasn’t really something I was exposed to, and therefore knew very little about. The conservative views shared here means that homophobia is a real problem where I live, and that makes me nervous about going out in public being who I am. Having a very supportive boyfriend, family and even some out and proud friends has really helped me though. And for the past couple years my town has been celebrating Pride with a parade each year, which is showing some their increasing growth and acceptance.

However, it’s still hard to face a world that you’re aware most likely disagrees with the ways you want to live your life. I think I’m starting to figure out that there’s always going to be opposition.

I came out, to my family and most people in my life, about a two years ago now after I plucked up the courage to go to counselling for the first time. Ever since, my life has been so much easier to live, and I feel like I can wake up each day being a little more okay with who I am. Coming out to C was a little harder, because I didn’t want to scare him away. He was so supportive, and still is (he’s even encouraging me to share this part of my life with you in today’s blog). For years I’ve struggled with who I am and their acceptance means the world to me. I’ve become more confident; prouder. I feel safe expressing myself at home. And that helps me a huge deal.

I’d like to hope that coming out has opening them up to the possibility that everything is not black and white and perfect, but rather a multi-coloured rainbow of mess that I am happy to be a part of.

These rainbows are shared by millions across the world. A couple years ago I was lucky enough to experience two pride events, one in my hometown and one in Brighton, arguably the most liberal place in the south of England where the LGBT+ population is huge. Brighton pride was one of my strangest experiences by far. Packed trains, sweaty strangers, and a whole lot of music and colour. It was simply amazing and awakened so much pride in me that sometimes, looking back on the event, I have to hold back tears (mostly because I have trouble dealing with my emotions and crying seems to usually help).

Pride is an experience I will never forget.

After all my life believing there was perhaps something different about myself that I should repress, I was being shown that it was more than okay to be who I am, and that there are so many other people who are in the same position as me.

And so, to those of you reading this and taking the time to listen to what it’s like for me to be a part of the LGBT+ community, in a group that receives a lot of biphobia from all stretches of society, I hope this has helped you understand a bit more about me. I suppose it’s time for you to decide if you want to stick around.

Thank you, if you accept me, for viewing me as human; as what I am. And for those of you reading this, hate churning in your veins and disgust spinning your stomach, then I am sorry you cannot open your mind enough to let the love of millions be validated. I hope that you one day understand, and until that moment, I hope you steer clear of my platform, where I’m trying to spread positivity and acceptance. Everyone is different and we all need to learn that that’s okay.

To anyone out there reading this that is a part of the LGBT+ community, and is bisexual (or not), I respect you. You are brave and strong. Continue being as awesome as you are. Know that you will never be alone.

If you’re still here, I just want to thank you for reading this blog today. It’s taken me over a year to pluck up the courage to tell everyone reading my blogs about my sexuality. Now you all know a little bit more about me.

Be sure to check out my last blog if you haven’t already: My Morning and Evening Routine.

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