Okay, yes, to all of those people who looked at the title of
this blog and frowned, my life isn’t all that crazy. I tend to be quite a
chilled out person, it’s easier to live life that way, but that doesn’t mean my
life doesn’t have a fair amount of crazy in it.
this blog and frowned, my life isn’t all that crazy. I tend to be quite a
chilled out person, it’s easier to live life that way, but that doesn’t mean my
life doesn’t have a fair amount of crazy in it.
That’s not always been the case.
For the first decade of my life, I was insane. My life was spent making up songs, dressing
up, creating words and playing with my sisters (being a triplet does have some perks). I was having a great time. Some of my fond, earlier memories are of making endless concoctions with my sisters which we chose to justify as fairy food (as
if a fairy would actually eat soap, shells and sand).
I also used to spend my time making endless leaf and grass homes, which I’d imprison
snails, ants or woodlice in. Along with this, and being the tomboy I was, I also spent a large
majority of my time getting dirty, climbing trees (I’ve luckily only ever
fallen out of one and that was definitely an experience), and making dens
at one of my grandparent’s houses.
up, creating words and playing with my sisters (being a triplet does have some perks). I was having a great time. Some of my fond, earlier memories are of making endless concoctions with my sisters which we chose to justify as fairy food (as
if a fairy would actually eat soap, shells and sand).
I also used to spend my time making endless leaf and grass homes, which I’d imprison
snails, ants or woodlice in. Along with this, and being the tomboy I was, I also spent a large
majority of my time getting dirty, climbing trees (I’ve luckily only ever
fallen out of one and that was definitely an experience), and making dens
at one of my grandparent’s houses.
As I grew up, however, and as I gradually felt more social
pressure to ‘fit in’ with the other girls, I got a little more sensible, and *sigh* miserable. Like anyone living the life I was
would be, I was told I was unladylike, and from that I gathered I was
going to have to start toning it down, and be far more relaxed.
It was at this point I went though that dreaded time of puberty. I hated every second of it. With problems at school, and with
friendships collapsing, I was having the equivalent of an identity crisis over
who I needed to be for people to like me. (I know it’s sad, but at this time I was
consumed with the thought that I needed to change and become someone I wasn’t
in order for people to like me – which I’ve now realised is complete shit).
pressure to ‘fit in’ with the other girls, I got a little more sensible, and *sigh* miserable. Like anyone living the life I was
would be, I was told I was unladylike, and from that I gathered I was
going to have to start toning it down, and be far more relaxed.
It was at this point I went though that dreaded time of puberty. I hated every second of it. With problems at school, and with
friendships collapsing, I was having the equivalent of an identity crisis over
who I needed to be for people to like me. (I know it’s sad, but at this time I was
consumed with the thought that I needed to change and become someone I wasn’t
in order for people to like me – which I’ve now realised is complete shit).
Welcome to the stage of my life I prefer not to talk about. My last years of junior school were miserable, along with most of my time at secondary school and college. I spent a good majority of my life alone and upset, which was very negative and unhealthy. My last years in secondary school were the worst.
It was around this time I realised I needed to escape. This was when I started to enjoy reading. I’d
spend all of my free time at home reading, and if my brain hadn’t told me not to be such a
nerd then I’d most likely have read in my lunchbreaks at school as well. The escapism reading provided was a much needed break from the world, and I think, for me at least, it wasn’t until I got into reading that I realised my life was starting to improve.
spend all of my free time at home reading, and if my brain hadn’t told me not to be such a
nerd then I’d most likely have read in my lunchbreaks at school as well. The escapism reading provided was a much needed break from the world, and I think, for me at least, it wasn’t until I got into reading that I realised my life was starting to improve.
From reading spawned my love of writing. Instead of always being upset, I was having to find time to read and write, and I was loving it. Writing presented so many important opportunities to me, and the control I had when doing it was freeing. Being able to create something that was, essentially, a piece of myself was amazing. Maybe, in part, it was a coping mechanism.
Now that I’m doing better, writing is still very much a part of my life, it just perhaps doesn’t play as big a role as before. This is something I’m trying to come to terms with mostly because I don’t know what I’d do if I wasn’t writing (and that scares me).
Reading and writing has opened up my scope of vision. I’ve started to think about who I wanted to be, and how to get there. Now that I’ve left college, I’ve undergone a
massive change. Music, fashion, everything. I’ve unleashed a little of my crazy, which I’ve seriously missed.
massive change. Music, fashion, everything. I’ve unleashed a little of my crazy, which I’ve seriously missed.
As a result, I’ve started to do more silly things just to make people laugh, especially if it’s something considered out of character – like hiding someone’s bread at work.
Talking of work, securing a job has also helped me massively. I feel
much more confident in myself, and I’ve realised that people are starting to
see me for me. Now that there are new (and awesome) people coming into my life,
I’m much happier. So, there you go. That’s an insight into how my life is
gradually becoming slightly more crazy, and a lot more like Emily.
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Want to find out more about my books? Follow the link below.
www.emilybrown.org.uk
I’ve also got a Spotify playlist, you can find that below as well.
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2rfakaE1iuqx5aMgL259L0?si=6pDdVFo3RVSwVjl8f14uNQ